How have we used our 100 words this week?

Archies 100wc week 23

On my birthday I went to the park I saw an old sofa there was old homeless people living on it they had no money.Then I ran as fast as I could away from the people i didn’t want to get killed i thought to myself i ran away even faster good bye world you’re gonna get taken  over i meet up with my best friend called kyle stokes-jarvis then  we ran away for a millions of years bye bye bye world then we ran to the airport.

Posted by on February 23rd, 2015 at 2:18 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (6)

6 Responses to “Archies 100wc week 23”

  1.   bears Says:

    nice one

  2.   Mrs Fine (100WC Team) Says:

    Hi Archie
    I like your idea of the sofa being used by homeless people – I guess it would be nice and comfortable. You are using some good contractions (apostrophes to make the word shorter) which help to make the piece more ‘chatty’, as if you are talking. I think you get a bit carried away at the end and you could have broken up that second very long sentence into several smaller ones. Try reading it out loud to yourself and see where you need to take a breath – that sometimes helps.

  3.   Fiona (Team 100WC) Says:

    Hi Archie,
    Your story left me breathless- there was so much running going on! I thought it was a shame that we didn’t get to find out why your character thought that the homeless people were going to kill him. Your last sentence is very long- can you see anywhere you could have broken it up a little? Don’t forget capital letters at the beginning of names. You used the prompt well and your spelling is great- keep it up.
    Fiona (Team 100WC)

  4.   saffron lily Says:

    i love your work it is brill OMG BRILL

  5.   saffron lily Says:

    i love your work it is brill OMG BRILL you are realloy good

  6.   Miss R (Team 100WC) Says:

    Thank you for entering this weeks 100WC, well done!
    I wonder where you are going to go at the airport?
    Next time make sure you proof read your work, make sure full stops and capital letters are all in the right places.
    Well done and keep writing 🙂

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