How have we used our 100 words this week?
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Archies story wk18#100wc

police chase

One day me and my best mate saw police came towards me and my mate started our motocross bikes the polics riding our new motocross bikes. Suddenly the e started chasing us through the field round the back. suddenly the cops chased us through the town we lost then we turned our motocross bikes off we hide behind a tall bush. suddenly he heard a strange voice behind us he had a gun he was a killer.Me and my mate tryed fighting this peculiar man he shot my mate in the head i punched him in the head I took the gun out of his hands he was knocked out  I shot him in the head his head exploded. I started my bike back up i ride away from the police iIstarted riding home then the police heard my bike again . I had to hammer home …

 

Posted by on January 26th, 2015 at 2:17 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (4)




4 Responses to “Archies story wk18#100wc”

  1.   Mrs N Goulbourne Says:

    A great entry in this week’s 100 WC! You have used the prompt carefully and created a story that is full of tension – well done! In order to make your writing better always read back and check for structural errors and spellings. Keep working hard and enter again.
    Mrs N Goulbourne, Team 100, Liverpool, UK

  2.   Ms. Sargent Team 100WC-USA Says:

    Archie,

    You have the beginnings of a good adventure, but it looks as it you didn’t read it over because it is really hard to follow. Partly this comes from lack of punctuation, but also word order. Why don’t you give it another read and see if you can make it make better sense to the reader. You have a good start.

    Ms. Sargent
    Team 100 WC-USA

  3.   Laura Alonso Says:

    Archie,
    Wow, your story leaves me breathless from all the action and adventure! Great piece which works very well under your title. However, you really must read through out loud to check where new sentences should start after a full stop so you don’t confuse your reader with your punctuation. It’s important because your content is very good!
    Laura A, Team100, Luxembourg

  4.   Barbara McFall (Team 100WC) teacher at Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA Says:

    Hello Archie,
    What an adventure you have written! In your next assignment try adding how you were feeling during the action and why you were being attacked. Lots of details helps your readers to understand the whole story even better. Good job!
    I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Barbara McFall Team 100WC
    The Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA

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