How have we used our 100 words this week?

camran week 20

Johnny the miserable, grey hyena was resting in the Savannah when suddenly a huge ,gigantic sandwich dropped like an earthquake off a mind-blowing fast jet I was jumping with joy on my Tippy toes until the sandwich rolled over it was a chubby pizza man with label saying hey my name is Jeff he screamed as I pulled my fangs out but na this guy was hilarious then he said I don’t want no trouble you freak I just was on my way to climb mount Everest but I crash landed here with you, one tip look out volcano !!!!!!!!

Posted by on February 2nd, 2015 at 2:24 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (3)

3 Responses to “camran week 20”

  1.   Sue Huntley (Team 100) Says:

    Hi Camran. Nice try at the prompt this week. However, apart from a few commas, there is no punctuation. If you read your work aloud, you’ll be able to work out where to put in some full stops. Some good descriptions and similes. Keep up your writing.

  2.   Mrs C (Team 100) Says:

    Camran, I can see you have included lots of adjectives to help the reader imagine the scene. However, it is a little confusing in the middle, I believe you were the hyena but I am not completely sure. Sometimes we can get so engrossed in the story, we do not check our work to make sure it makes sense. But, there is some good vocabulary, well done.I particularly like tippy toes and hilarious. Mrs C (Team 100)

  3.   Georgeanne Young (Team 100WC) Says:

    Hi Camran – greetings from suburban Chicago, IL, USA

    Good ideas on your 100WC this week, but difficult to understand without punctuation. You have used good description, keep writing!

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