How have we used our 100 words this week?

chelsea – Week 19

On a Friday night with my friend we decided to go to the forest. When we got there suddenly I turned around and my friend was gone. I turn around and I bumped into a big tree. Suddenly, I heard a sound. It sounded like foot steps. I got really scared.I felt like some one was watching me. I wanted to go home. I heard some crunchy leaves. I felt some thing fluffy touch my feet. I got so scared I thought in my head what was that ? I felt soft and warm and fluffy. I could feel a rabbit.

Posted by on January 23rd, 2015 at 6:32 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (4)

4 Responses to “chelsea – Week 19”

  1.   Mrs Harris (Team 100) Says:

    Great punctuation and those short sentences make the story go very quickly, all this creates great suspense! You could think about another way of saying “suddenly” to improve this work.

  2.   Mrs Fine (100WC Team) Says:

    Hi Chelsea.
    I’m so glad the fluffy touch turned out to be a rabbit. I thought this was a good ending because you build up the tension in the rest of your piece with all the mishaps – first your friend disappearing, bumping into a tree, someone watching you. I could have done with a little more descriptive language but I was already building up a picture in my head of a damp and gloomy night. Just before the end you ask a question – hooking us in. Great work.

  3.   Sue Huntley (Team 100) Says:

    Hi Chelsea.
    Lots of suspense in your story. I wonder what happened to your friend. I can imagine the panic from your description of how you felt. A good effort!

  4.   Georgeanne Young (Team 100WC) Says:

    Hi Chelsea – greetings from suburban Chicago, IL, USA
    Very creative 100WC this week. Your words tell your story in a way that the reader can feel your tension. And then you make the fear and fright disappear when you realize what touched your feet was a soft warm fluffy rabbit (*-*)

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