How have we used our 100 words this week?
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DAISY P WEEK 17

My targets are:To use more adjectives for more description in my writing!

Wait dad I have forgotten my coat i’ll be right back in 1 minute “DAD the light won’t turn on I think the light bulb has blown”oh I only brought you a new one last week it hasn’t run out already has it”?”well it has “i’ll by you a new one come on we will pop to B&Q to get a new light bulb and i’ll get some spare ones so we don’t run out 1 hour later “oh my days that light is so bright dad”well its going to be its a brand new light.

Posted by on January 17th, 2015 at 1:05 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (2)




2 Responses to “DAISY P WEEK 17”

  1.   Mrs C (Team 100) Says:

    Daisy, I can imagine the scene easily, we are always running out of light bulbs!Thank you for letting me know what your targets are, that is really helpful.Although you have added a couple of adjectives, you have missed several opportunities. Such as, ‘I have forgotten my old/favourite coat or instead of B & Q, you could have written local shop, DAD the kitchen/cupboard/hall light won’t turn on…’ Can you identify the adjectives I have suggested? Your last sentence made me smile, I LOVE the expression ‘Oh my days,’ it is great, well done. Mrs C *Team 100)

  2.   Laura Alonso Says:

    Daisy,
    This is a really different little piece that is such a lovely interaction between the characters. You have used very natural speech and I love the dad’s comment at the end, simple but true! Next time remember that every time a new character talks, it goes on a new line.. Keep up the great work!
    Laura A, Team100, Luxembourg

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