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Ethan A 100 wc week 19

It was dark and gloomy one night until I heard a scream. It was coming from the city which was dark and gloomy. Nobody went there because who ever went in didn’t come out!!! As I edged backward my body pushed me closer to the danger then I ran and I ran until I heard the scream again. As I approached a block of tall green trees which looked like muggers, I saw someone lying on the ground lifeless with blood oozing out of their head. I looked closer at the head and found out that it was my friend Jack . I was scared. Then I pegged it and told everyone I knew Jack was dead.

Posted by on January 26th, 2015 at 2:22 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (6)




6 Responses to “Ethan A 100 wc week 19”

  1.   Eric Says:

    Really good story fab end !

  2.   Caitlin Says:

    So good, excellent

  3.   Mrs C (Team 100) Says:

    Ethan, you have some great vocabulary, such as, oozing, approached, gloomy and lifeless. You have included a simile, which helps the reader imagine the scene. If I had written this, I think I would have used a Thesaurus to hep me find similar words to dark and gloomy, so I did not repeat myself. Sometimes repetition can be a positive tool to use, but I do not think so in this case. ‘As I edged backward,’ is my favourite subordinate clause, well done. Mrs C (Team 100)

  4.   Mrs Fine (100WC Team) Says:

    Hi Ethan,
    I can see that you have used the picture to describe a suitably sinister setting for the demise of your friend Jack. I love the idea of the dark, gloomy city where if you went in you didn’t come out. The exclamation marks helped here greatly as if to emphasize such a dreadful fate. The repetitious use of the scream also keeps your reader tense and worried as to what is coming next. Great and gruesome description of the lifeless body. Well done.

  5.   ethan alderson Says:

    thanks for youre awsome coments

  6.   hi its archie Says:

    well done mate hahahahaha

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