How have we used our 100 words this week?
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Jess, Elsie and Shayla Week 19

It was midnight and all was quiet. As Shayla, Jess and Elsie crept down the steep old creaky stairs down, down, down they went until finally they came to the green, rackety door. Slowly they crept out and shut the door behind them. They were casually walking down the road when all of a sudden as they turned the corner of the street they saw a bright yellow neon door right in front of them. As the girls followed Elsie into a land of candyfloss, candy bows were floating in the misty, glittery, purple sky. All of a sudden they woke up and it was all a dream.

 

By Shayla, Jess, Elsie

Posted by on January 27th, 2015 at 1:16 pm and tagged , ,  | Comments & Trackbacks (2)




2 Responses to “Jess, Elsie and Shayla Week 19”

  1.   Mrs C (Team 100) Says:

    Ladies, I can see you work well as a team. You have included some great description, which helps the reader imagine what is happening. Your opening sentence sets the scene and your second sentence is slightly misleading – but in a good way! I imagined it was going to be another scary story; I have read lots of those this week. But, instead it is a dream and a nice one at that. I like that your idea of a storyline is different, well done.Mrs C (Team 100)

  2.   Mrs Fine (100WC Team) Says:

    Hi girls. What a great descriptive piece you have written this week. I’m also glad it’s not as scary as all the other ones I’ve read so far! I am impressed with your use of commas in lists of adjectives. I also like the down, down, down phrase – the repetition makes the descent of the creaky stairs seem so much more atmospheric. I really like the different clauses of your fourth sentence, you have obviously thought carefully about exactly what you want your reader to picture. Maybe you could experiment with using some more commas to demarcate the different parts of the sentence and see how it reads. Well done.

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