How have we used our 100 words this week?

kai week 19

Hi its me again but this time I’m reading you a diary from my wife and son. It start now. Hi its been a hard day today, some young man grabbed our son Tyler and pulled him into a fresh green bush with some brown leaves. I managed to get the man off of our little boy, but the man pulled out a pistol and as me and Tyler started running, I got shot in the back of the leg. Tyler ran at the man and kicked him in the shin and snached the gun out of the man’s hand and shot the man in the belly. The man dropped to the ground with dark blood flooded the dark street, which had street lamps that glowed as yellow as gold. The man laid dead in the middle of the road, I was terrified.

Posted by on January 27th, 2015 at 1:19 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (5)




5 Responses to “kai week 19”

  1.   Mrs C (Team 100) Says:

    Kai, what a scary story, I have read lots of those this week! I really like the idea of a diary entry, although, to be honest, it does not necessarily have the features of one. I can see you have tried hard to help the reader imagine what is going on, as you have lots of description, well done.

  2.   Emily Sims Says:

    Kai,

    This 100WC was very maturely written and cleverly thought out. You gave a lot of descriptive detail about a dark subject very well and you used varied vocabulary and sentence structure. Just be careful of small typing errors- but aside from this very well done!
    Emily, Team100

  3.   Helen Whittaker (team 100WC) Says:

    I like the idea that your story starts with reading from someone else’s diary. Very clever Kai! You’ve punctuated well and used lots of description in this week’s 100WC. I began to wonder when the street scene picture would become part of your story and there it was at the end.

  4.   Mrs Fine (100WC Team) Says:

    Goodness me, Kyle. What a frightening experience. I like the way you tell it from your wife’s point of view. I also like Tyler’s character who is the bravest little boy I’ve ever come across. You have used the classic trick of alternating short action sentences with long descriptive sentences to produce an exciting adventure story – be careful not to let the action sentences get too long. More short sentences work just as well. Well done.

  5.   Ben Says:

    Hi Kai,
    I thought your story was really cool, full of action and suspense. I thought that it was amazing but at some parts of your story it felt like it was going to quick. If that was how you were trying to write the story, you nailed it. Come to my blog and check out some of my stuff. My blog address is below :).
    http://beng2012.global2.vic.edu.au/
    From Ben

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