How have we used our 100 words this week?

Kieron’s 100 wc week 18

 

It was a cold,dark and stormy night. The town was deserted no people in that town except for one person his name was Alfie with his pet pig Jimmy. They were wandering around the town. Then Alfie sees someone in a building with the light on who could it be. He walked out of the building jimmy attacked him. But Cosmic stopped jimmy. They had a talk and found more people but what was that i could feel? The rain on my back but it wasn’t normal rain it was icy rain and icy rain was icicles turned into a ice monster …

 

Posted by on January 19th, 2015 at 2:51 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (1)




One Response to “Kieron’s 100 wc week 18”

  1.   Mrs C (Team 100) Says:

    Kieron, I can see you have worked hard to include adjectives and your opening sentence sets the scene. You start off well, but then introduced a character out of nowhere. Cosmic just appeared without any explanation and I am unsure of his purpose. I think I would have gone with a strange light (same as you) then added more tension and description before introducing the rain.Or, you could not add tension, then the ending would be a complete surprise. An ice monster is a good idea and using the ellipsis leaves the reader wondering what will happen next, well done. Mrs C (Team 100)

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