How have we used our 100 words this week?

Kyle 100wc Week#23

Target: To use commas to mark clauses

In a land where the sun shined brighter than any sun ever, there lived a woman named Kendra Eastley. She was 47 years old and lived on her own. On a summer morning she went shopping and found a muscle development serum which she bought because the muscles in her leg were deteriorating after a nearly fatal car accident. When she got home, she decided to put the serum to work. She waited. After nearly an hour she became frustrated because it hadn’t worked. Even though she didn’t know it Kendra was going insane. That day when the postman arrived Kendra was sat on a brick sofa she found at the rubbish tip. When the postman gave her the mail she pulled a loose brick from the sofa and smashed it repeatedly on the postmans head. Blood exploded violently from his head. She had murdered him. From that day on she spent her days in a lunatic asylum.

Posted by on February 23rd, 2015 at 2:15 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (2)

2 Responses to “Kyle 100wc Week#23”

  1.   Mrs Skinner (Team100) Bristol UK Says:

    Goodness Kyle, this is a dark tale indeed. Firstly, you have used over 150 words. Have a look at how you can reduce them. You have talked a lot about what happened before bringing the sofa into the story. Did we need to know about the serum other than it sent her mad?
    I really enjoyed sharing your work & hope to read more of it on 100wc!

  2.   Helen Whittaker (team 100WC) Says:

    You’ve certainly picked an unusual idea for this week’s 100WC Kyle.
    Your opening sentence gives just the right amount of description to set the scene (shone not shined please) We also quickly meet the character. I kept wondering where the settee would feature and suddenly there it was at the end! It’s a good idea to not always bring your prompt into the beginning of the 100WC.
    I think you have used more than 100 words so next time keep your writing unusual and exciting but shorter please!

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