Mia Week 12
He was shocked to find a brown monkey when he opened the sack kicking in fear from the lord of nulth. The brown monkey ran out of the sack but the lord of nulth caught him and tried to put the brown monkey back into the sack but couldn’t because the brown monkey wasn’t letting the lord of nulth make the brown monkey go into the sack. The brown monkey wanted to bite the lord of nulth so the brown monkey did bite the him. The lord of nulth said “Ooowww!”.And dropped the brown monkey. And thats how the night ended.M
Dear Mia
November 23rd, 2014 at 7:24 amThanks you entering the challenge this week. It sounds like you had a scary time in the Night Zoo. Make sure you remember you capitals for proper nouns eg. Lord of Nulth and apostrophes eg. that’s. Keep up the good writing.
Mrs Johnson
Mia, I like how your story has a bit of a twist – who would think that a monkey would win over the Lord of Nulth. Once you have mentioned that the monkey is brown, there is no need to repeat the colour. That way, you would have had more words you could have written. My favourite phrase you have used is ‘kicking in fear,’ that really explains how the monkey felt, well done. Mrs C *Team 100)
November 23rd, 2014 at 6:18 pm