How have we used our 100 words this week?

Owen week 21 100wc

Target: capital letters and full stops

In Egypt the humongous, golden Pyramids stands silently in the desert less desert, and herd of golden mustangs and horse flies are lingering still and the silence is deafening. Where they live under a slaughtered rock underneath the golden crisp pyramids. The mummy tombs are fascinating and the horses boot the cases open to eat there rotten flesh. Then the innocent horses that were starving soon died and the hunters took there body to make burgers at Tesco.

The disheartened horse owners hear this and cry their eyes out and can’t sleep at night so, DON’T TAKE THE MIKE ASDA AND TESCO HORSES ARE NATURE NOT FOOD!

Posted by on February 9th, 2015 at 2:04 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (2)

2 Responses to “Owen week 21 100wc”

  1.   Mrs.Schmidt (Team 100WC) Says:

    Dear Owen,
    Thanks for taking part in this week’s 100 Word Challenge. You’ve done a nice job using strong adjectives and verbs in your writing piece this week. I was a bit confused about who is living under the rock? Is it the horse flies? The word slaughtered means to kill for food so I was surprised that you used it to describe a rock. The last sentence is also confusing. Who or what is Mike Asda? Maybe have a friend proofread your story before you publish it next time. Keep on writing!
    Mrs. Schmidt (Team 100WC)
    Grade 3 Teacher
    Pennsylvania, USA

  2.   Mrs. Richters(Team 100WC) Says:

    Owen, thank you for participating in this week’s 100 Word Challenge. What an interesting setting for your writing! You created quite a picture with all your descriptive words. I liked words like humongous, golden, slaughtered rock, mummy tombs, innocent horses and rotten flesh. Did you have someone proofread your writing? It seems to me that your first two sentences are really one long sentence. In talking about the horses rotten flesh and bodies the word their is needed as the pronoun. Most of your writing is in present tense. Check your verb tense to make sure you are consistent. What a thought provoking ending you have to your story! I love the use of the word disheartened. You are persuasive in your last sentence and using all capitals shows your strong emotions. I have the feeling that you have a great love for horses, so do I. Keep up the good work!

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