How have we used our 100 words this week?

Stanley week 4

Once upon a time there  lived a boy called Steve, all Steve ever wanted was a orange goldfish. One day he drove to an aquarium to collect a goldfish, but when Steve had a look at the goldfish their wasn’t just a goldfish there was a crocodile! Steve was amazed at what he was seeing. He immediately he asked his dad for it (because he was with him) but his dad said no. Steve begged his dad for it, he begged him so much that he begged him into saying yes. But their was a goldfish that he wanted. But he couldn’t make his mind up which none he wanted.

Posted by on September 26th, 2014 at 12:42 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (3)

3 Responses to “Stanley week 4”

  1.   Barbara McFall (Team 100WC) The Phoenix School, MA USA Says:

    Hello Stanley,
    It is clear that you are a good writer and well organized in your work. I enjoyed the idea of going to the aquarium for a goldfish and finding an alligator :-). It got even more interesting when his dad said yes to the alligator. Good ideas!

    As a good writer you might think about reading your work out loud to yourself to pick up the little errors like where periods go, and spellings. For example, one period needed in the first line after “a boy called Steve.” Another suggestion is to try to avoid beginning sentences with “But” because “but” is a connecting word to connect an idea with a result within one sentence.

    If you have an adult read your work out loud to you, you might find where you have an extra “he.” These seem like small issues, but as you become an accomplished writer, taking time to polish your work and make it error free allows you to focus more on the ideas and creative language that makes your work more sophisticated.

    I look forward to reading more of your work throughout the year and see your skill grow and grow. Good job!

    Barbara McFall (Team 100WC)
    Teacher at The Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA

  2.   Fiona (Team 100WC) Says:

    Hi Stanley,
    You have a great imagination and I think Steve has the coolest dad in the world! Don’t forget which ‘there’ to use- their means something belongs to them so it is ‘theirs’. I was left wondering which pet he chose- I’m secretly hoping he picked the crocodile. Keep up the good work.
    Fiona (Team 100WC)

  3.   Mia Says:

    Hi Stan

    That’s really good well done

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