How have we used our 100 words this week?
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The street – Kian G

Outside in the street, while walking to MacDonald’s, there was a gust of wind that knocked the plants over. I was terrified that someone was creeping up on me. Suddenly, a horrible witch looked at me with her beady eyes. she glared at me. I did not think that witches existed anymore, I moved back then I got to MacDonald’s. I finished my lunch and on my way home I was scared, because I was thinking about the witch. The witch dropped a letter on the floor I slowly crept up to the witch she was scary, but I said “are you all right” she said no… I invited her round my house we had cake and her body turned in to dust.

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Posted by on January 26th, 2015 at 5:01 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (5)




5 Responses to “The street – Kian G”

  1.   Caitlin Says:

    Well done, you left me on the edge of my seat I am looking forward to read your next 100wc. Congratulations.

  2.   Miss Heappey Says:

    Nice story Kian. “Are you alright?” is a question and therefore needs a question mark and remember after a full stop a new sentence should always have a capital letter.
    Keep up the good work!
    Miss Heappey (Team 100WC)

  3.   Helen Whittaker (team 100WC) Says:

    You have used some good description in this weeks 100WC Kian. You have also used a nice range of connectives to move your story on and connect clauses: suddenly, whilst, because, then, but. Well done. I like the way you start your story but I think you could have made it clearer for the easer if you had written ‘while I was walking…’

  4.   Mrs DW Team 100 Says:

    Kain

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, you have some great ideas well done.

    You have used some great descriptive language. Try to use some commas as this will help the flow.

    Well done.
    Keep writing.

    Mrs DW

  5.   Fiona (Team 100WC) Says:

    Your opening sentence sets the scene really well and you keep up the air of suspense by using words such as ‘beady’, ‘scared’, ‘terrified’ and ‘horrible’. I don’t know what kind of cake your character gave the witch, but I certainly wouldn’t want to come for afternoon tea! Keep up the good work.
    Fiona (Team 100WC)

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