How have we used our 100 words this week?

Tyler 100wc week 20

Target: for my story to make sense

It was a miserable day as I was walking down the road on the way to my Nans house as i saw a big gray coated hyena coming towards me.I sprinted as fast as I could around the corner into the woods hoping I had lost him.I did.I opened my lunch box and realised that i lost my sandwich.I must of dropped it when I was running away from the hyena.I saw a shadow of the hyena coming around the corner,I tried to climb the tree behind me but it was too late the hyena grabbed me and I was a goner…

Posted by on February 2nd, 2015 at 2:07 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (7)




7 Responses to “Tyler 100wc week 20”

  1.   Tyler & Kishan Says:

    Hello Tyler

    I really like how you have left me on a cliff hanger, I really hope you finish the story because I want to read on. You can improve by making some of your ‘I’s capital letters. Also, please can you look back through your work and put a space after every punctuation mark.

  2.   India&Kenzie Says:

    Dear Tyler,

    In your 100wc we loved that you made me think what did the hyena do to you ? Were did you go? We liked how you set a target for your self.However we don’t really think you proof readied your work e;g [I was a goner] we think its was meant to say i was gone.

  3.   Yahye and Charlie Says:

    Hello Tyler,
    we like your 100wc because it made us feel scared at the last bit ‘I was a goner…’ that effective us and we didn’t see that the hyena was coming round the corner and was going to eat you. Tyler, after your full stops you need to have a space and you have spelt grey as ‘gray’ please correct that spelling mistake.

    Maybe you could visit our blog

    http://blog.st-marys-deane.bolton.sch.uk/y62014/

  4.   Joshua & Sam Says:

    You made me feel like I was in the scene and I liked the way you ended the story. I also liked the powerful phrase ‘miserable day’, because it describes the way of the day it is. You also included a short sentence ‘I did’. After your punctuation marks you should put a space in to separate you words more. To get more ideas please visit our blog at [http://blog.st-marys-deane.bolton.sch.uk/y62014/]

  5.   Subhan & Jamie Says:

    Hi Tyler,
    what a great 100wc. We really like the story opener ‘It was a miserable day’. We also liked the way you described the hyena with ‘ big gray coated’. Next time to make it even better you can add some level 4 or 5 punctuation. Just make sure that you proof read your work for your misplaced capital letter for your ‘I’.

    Maybe you can visit our blog.

    http://blog.st-marys-deane.bolton.sch.uk/y62014/

  6.   Kauanoe RIllon Says:

    Great use of your words Tyler! I really enjoyed reading your story I hope your writing becomes better and better! you are a really great writer, Can’t wait to hear more from you next week!

    Kauanoe RIllon (Honolulu, Hawaii) Grade 6

  7.   Mrs Fine (100WC Team) Says:

    Hi Tyler, Lovely. I’m afraid to say that I laughed at your last sentence, it just tickled me for some reason. And there you have it – you have a certain style to your writing that appeals to readers. I think it is your ability to write as you might talk. Another example is ‘…hoping I had lost him. I did.’ Super! Now it’s time to be very strict with yourself about your punctuation. You could use more full stops or commas in your last sentence – try reading it out loud and see where you need to pause. Also remember when typing that you always have a space after full stops and commas.

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