How have we used our 100 words this week?

week 23 kieran

Week 22
Once there lived a chimpanzee called Mia and her best friend Archie the pig Charlie could fly a Helicopter one day he got a stone sofa and tied it to the end of her helicopter and dropped it in the middle of nowhere which was a mistake because his best friend foot was in the way and trapped under the sofa after that he went to the hospital and when he emerged from the hospital he had a gigantic cast on his leg so to make up for it Mia gave him a ice cream sundae the end.

Posted by on February 23rd, 2015 at 4:45 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (2)

2 Responses to “week 23 kieran”

  1.   Joanna Miller 100 WC Team Says:

    Well I’m glad it was a happy ending for everyone, Kieran. This has a good clear sequence of events and is very action packed too. It does need some full stops in it though as it’s hard to understand the meaning in places without the correct punctuation. Very imaginative though.

  2.   Mrs Skinner (Team100) Bristol UK Says:

    Hello Kieran!
    There are so many great ideas in this piece. As a reader I found it a bit confusing at times to find my way round it. Maybe you could read it out loud to yourself and you would hear where you could make a few tweaks which would make it even better!

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