How have we used our 100 words this week?

week19 Kieran H

There was boy called Jeff he was walking home from football he was walking in the dark and murky streets then… Jeff felt someone walking slowly , slowly , slowly behind him he turned round there was no one there but so he thought then he heard a rustle in the trees a leaf gently floated down onto Jeff’s head it was cold and wet he knew someone was there. There was a murder on the loose he saw a glimpse of him the chase had begun then the murder got him down the murder had hurt him he was dying slowly , slowly , slowly.

Posted by on January 26th, 2015 at 2:21 pm and tagged  | Comments & Trackbacks (2)

2 Responses to “week19 Kieran H”

  1.   Mrs C (Team 100) Says:

    Kieran, another scary story for me to read! I can see you have tried hard to create a scene and you have used some atmospheric vocabulary. I particularly like murky, leaf gently floated and glimpse. If you re-read your work, you will hopefully see you have missed some punctuation; some of your sentences are rather long. Read your work out aloud (as long as you do not get in to trouble!) and when you need to breathe, you know you will need some kind of punctuation. Well done Kieran, it was a good story. Mrs C (Team 100)

  2.   Mrs Fine (100WC Team) Says:

    Hi Kieran. I like your piece this week – it has a brooding, tense feel about it which you have created through your descriptive language. I think ‘dark and murky streets’ is particularly effective. I also like how you used slowly three times separated by commas – this adds to the atmosphere. Remember to always think about punctuation. Basic stuff like full stops and commas can help the reader pause at certain points in the sentence and make better sense of it. Well done.

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